Last week one of my close friend lost her brother to Cancer. After two years since he was first diagnosed with the unforgiving disease he bid his loved ones a final goodbye. A brother, a son to her mother, a father to his young son, a husband to his wife is finally at peace.

Cancer is a disease that plays by its own rules and rarely ever responds the way one would wish for. From innumerable visits to the doctor, chemotherapy sessions, Bone Marrow Transplant (BMT) all the while dealing with the deadly pandemic, she and her family did everything in their capacity to ease his suffering.

While the disease chose her brother’s body , it didn’t spare the ones close to him, as it roped them in this vicious cycle of pain and suffering. His pain was visible theirs NOT.

Someone who is fighting a disease as merciless as Cancer needs to be surrounded with optimism! At a time like this, all one needs is a glimmer of HOPE, you cling to anything that is even remotely close to hopefulness.

That’s what they did – his family kept up with it postivity, optimisim , hopefulness, anything and everything that would keep his spirits up! In the bargain they silenced their emotions.

At a time like this when you are wintessing pain and suffering, it takes immense strength for the family to admit that they are exhausted, helpless, hopeless and need to be cared for too.

Over long phone calls I saw my friend go through a myriad of emotions-anger, sadness, disappointment, anxiousness, confusion, helplessness, denial and sometimes optimism and hopefulness.

But one emotion overpowered the others – Guilt; guilty of being healthy, guilty of laughing, guilty of living, guilty of having a future. Everytime she had good day at work, she feared bad news would follow soon.

When your loved one is suffering, you question your being, your purpose and every unannounced smile. For isn’t it selfish of you to be having a good when he is hurting? It is never easy for the family.

She felt Ashamed as she conveyed her exhaustion, Embarrassed that she wanted to hit the pause button at the constant talk of illness at home, sometimes Sorry for herself, as her personal life that had come to a standstill, Disgusted when she found herself enjoying a good day at work and again Guilt, guilty that her emotions weren’t always check-in on to her brother’s suffering.

I was just the listening ear, some days she expressed the desire to run away to a far off place, a place where no soul could reach her. Just erase the entire episode and start afresh. A place where life could go back to the day before they learnt about his sickness.

In a fight against a savage ruthless disease, my friend finally reached out for help. It didn’t happen overnight, when the mental exhaustion reached a place where she could no longer deal with it herself, she choose to extend her hand out and ask for HELP.

The family suffers as much if not more.

My friend is no less than a superhero, she reached out for help so that she could care for her brother better . As they adjust to their new reality , they will now have to pick up the pieces of their lives and start again.

Life goes on….

LOSS